Loud thoughts.

I had so much that I wanted to post on here but I seem to have lost all motivation after spending like half an hour changing my page’s view and adding links to some of my social media. Ugh. I’m still going to try. Here it goes.

I’ve been wondering if I’m the only person who experiences having thoughts SO LOUD in your head that you’re worried you might’ve said them out loud and not even realized it? Like, you thought “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” in your head when someone is talking…and your own voice in your head was so loud that you thought you said it, like, in real life. It’s almost like I can feel like I could “lose time” for a couple seconds and not realize I said a thought out loud for someone else to hear.

I’ve had this same experience while I’ve been in the shower, even when I’m alone. Except I’m not yelling “shut the fuck up” in my head…I’m just reflecting and thinking about things…like having a conversation with myself in my head. But since usually this happens when I’m in the shower by myself, I don’t know if maybe I say thoughts out loud without realizing it while I’m in the shower. Because, clearly, I don’t say thoughts I have around other people out loud. But what if I do in the shower and no one is there to hear it?

Am I completely alone in this? Is this me going completely nuts? I can’t be the only “sane”/functioning person that experiences this lol. I’ll talk to my therapist about it next week when I see him lol.

On another note, it’s nice to see people following my blog! And liking my posts! In a weird way, it makes me feel less alone. I totally know how pathetic that sounds, trust me, lol. But it’s true in it’s own way. If someone else reads what I type, and likes it, that means they accept what I’m saying. They’re not reading my blogs thinking,”this girl is nuts”. I feel alienated in a way from people. So to see people accepting/liking my blog/entries, makes me feel like I’m not completely abnormal. Other people understand. It makes me feel validated. And I don’t get a whole lot of validation. I only share what I post in this blog with a few people. So I guess I just want to say thanks everyone who reads, likes, follows or shares my blog! I post the thoughts in my head in the hopes that it’ll help someone, in one way or another. Maybe they’ll see they’re not alone in certain life experiences.

I want to post more frequently. But it’s so hard for me to focus on getting words typed when I don’t have my headphones in. I’d have plenty of time after work usually to post something almost every day. But I lose motivation to express myself by the end of the day. I just pretty much shut down at the end of the day. Especially in the winter. Ugh.

Alright, it’s starting to get later and I’d like to get some crocheting time in before I go to bed.







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