I don’t know why anything surprises me anymore.

What a week it’s been. As uneventful as it’s been, it’s been ridiculous.

My little cousin has been staying with me since the 20th of this month while her parents are on vacation. I say “little cousin” and one would assume she is too young to be left home alone for an extended period of time. She’s 18…and EXTREMELY immature/irresponsible. I don’t even know where to being. And she’s staying with me until October 1st. I have never wanted time to go by faster.

Let’s start with the amount of food she wastes. The second night she was at my house, I made spanish rice and beans and my fiance made steaks for us. She took a heaping serving of rice and beans, didn’t touch her steak. She asked if she could go back for more rice and beans, I said,”Sure.” She comes back with another heaping amount of rice and beans on her plate. I cut her steak for her, because clearly, she’s never been taught how to cut meat. She took a few bites of the rice and beans and ate a couple pieces of steak. She asked me if she could save the rest for another time. Of course, I said yes and got her some tupperware.

Next afternoon. She asked me if she could warm up her leftovers. I said absolutely. Later, I took the lid off of the trash can in the kitchen to push the trash down and what do I see? All of her leftovers in the trash. She took maybe a couple of bites of rice and beans and ate a couple of pieces of the steak. Like, are you fucking kidding me? That was a 10 dollar fucking steak and you throw it in the trash?! I didn’t say anything.

That evening. My fiance made this awesome chicken, pesto, mozzarella, filo dough dish. I told her what was in it, she said it sounded awesome. So I cut a square for her. My fiance and I ate in our bedroom, watching TV. She was in the living room watching Netflix. I came out a little while later, took the lid off of the trash to scrape the filo dough off of my plate and I see THE ENTIRE PIECE THAT I GAVE HER IN THE FUCKING TRASH!!!!!! Again, I didn’t say anything, but I was LIVID.

A few days later, she was hanging out with one of our cousins. I texted her and told her we made homemade macaroni and cheese and fried chicken for dinner and there would be some in the fridge for her when she got back. I told her,”If you waste any of it, you will be living off of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the rest of the week.” A VERY short time later, she starts complaining of chest pains to our cousin. So he makes the executive decision to bring her to the ER. She has had a pacemaker her entire life, so I understand why our cousin was worried, but I knew she was playing him like a fiddle. And I told him this. He asked,”Do you think she’d really lie about something like that?” And I responded,”Yes, absolutely.” They never called her mother to even tell her what was going on…so I did. She said,”She’s playing him for a schmuck.” I said,”Oh, I’m aware. I told him that.” While they were at the ER, my little cousin had our cousin go to McDonald’s for her. Around 9 pm, my cousin said he had to leave because he had to work in the morning. I said,”That’s fine. She can call me when she’s discharged.” She texted me shortly after and said,”I won’t need a ride back, my friend is going to pick me up and we’re going to hang out after for a little bit then he’ll bring me home. When do you want me home?” Naturally, my response was,”When you get out of the ER. If your chest pains were so bad that you felt like you had to go to the ER, you should be resting.”

Now, let me tell you…I’ve had chest pains that have caused me to go to the ER. And the last fucking things on my mind were food and hanging out with anyone. All I wanted to do was sleep, to try to ignore the pain. Turns out she supposedly was having the same issue that I had…costochondritis. I say supposedly because I don’t even believe that was what was wrong. I’m pretty sure she just wanted the attention.

Oh right…I haven’t mentioned it yet but she has borderline personality disorder. She is TEXTBOOK borderline. It is fucking ridiculous. Doesn’t help that I work as a PCA for an aunt that has borderline personality disorder as well. So I can’t escape it!!!!

The next night, I was picking her up from her friend’s house, and she asks,”What’s for dinner?” I said,”Same thing we had last night. We don’t make extra food to throw it in the trash. We make it to eat it.” And you would’ve thought I told her we were eating air for dinner. So I said,”Clearly you’re picky, spoiled, or don’t know what it’s like to be hungry.” I proceeded to tell her about when my fiance lived off of ramen noodles and peanut butter for almost two months so we could throw all of our money at bills. And I ended with,”So we’ve learned to not be ungrateful or wasteful since then.” She said,”I feel you.” So I responded with,”DO YOU? Cause I don’t think you do.” That was pretty much the end of the conversation.

In addition to wasting food, she also likes to waste money. She’s blown through almost 200 dollars since the 20th. She used 40 dollars to buy an eighth of weed…which was the shittiest weed I’ve ever seen/smoked in my life. And I’ve smoked some shitty weed when I was a teenager. Like, I’m not even sure I believe that what she bought is weed. I was thinking maybe it was salvia…but I’ve smoked salvia and it’s definitely not salvia either. Maybe it’s dirty straw or something. Cause it doesn’t even get you high. Terrible. Someone ripped off this naive girl LOL. I’m sorry, I can’t help but laugh.

ANYWAYS! Through this experience, my belief has been reinforced that I simply just cannot live with anyone else. My fiance and I have always had a balance and have always lived together cohesively. I cannot tolerate other people living in my house. I can’t deal with the way other people live. I have control issues and maybe (definitely) a touch of OCD. Some days it’s worse than others LOL. I just like things done in particular ways!!!! Shoot me.

I have also thought about how strongly I don’t want kids. I would never raise my kid the way my little cousin has been raised. I would raise them the way I was raised. However, we all know that kids kind of do their own thing at one point or another, no matter how much you have taught them or try to teach them. And I would go to jail if my kid ended up like my little cousin. I would beat their ass. I can’t even deal. UGH! I talked her to her mom about it and she referred to my little cousin as “birth control.” And I said,”YES! She’s more effective as birth control than a crying newborn is.” I am not exaggerating. I promise.

Maybe I feel this way because I am the type of person who is typically drained by being around people…especially certain people. Like people with borderline personality disorder.

I am not, by any means, bashing everyone with borderline personality disorder. While I do not have that particular personality disorder, I am far from perfect. But it drives me absolutely insane when someone understands that they have issues and refuse to work on them despite the tools they’re given. This goes for ANYONE, with ANY problems. But I guess that’s where the saying comes from…You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.

I don’t know why I expect people to have the same values and beliefs as me. Maybe it’s because I don’t believe that my beliefs are that crazy. My only missions in life are to become a better human being, to feel whole, to feel content with myself, to grow, to learn and to help others when I can. It’s not easy! But if I can at least TRY, why can’t other people?

I’d like to say I’m done with this entry…BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! lol Ugh.

My friend that I had mentioned in previous posts…her and her boyfriend broke up. My fiance said,”Well, now you’ve got your best friend back.” And I said,”I didn’t want it like this…” I sure the fuck didn’t. I wanted shit to be NORMAL. There’s that word again…lol. Do I even know what it means?! lol. Fuck.

I should be getting ready for bed…but my fiance is getting up for work soon and one of my cats and I hang out with him while he’s getting ready for work lol. It’s definitely become the routine. I’m thinking afterwards, I might go for a drive so I can sing my little heart out. I already jogged for 15 minutes on the treadmill earlier this evening. That definitely helps get frustration out. And we climbed at the gym for almost three hours today this afternoon. I’m hoping I’m not super sore tomorrow. I have to do laundry tomorrow lol.

Alright, over 1500 words later, I am ending this entry. If only I’d blog once a day, they probably wouldn’t be so long. I could be completely full of shit lol. It all depends on the day and what crosses my mind. I mean, honestly, I could post multiple entries throughout the day…lol. I mean, how many people actually read any/all of what I type here? I haven’t shared this page with anyone that I know in real life. Yet I put my feelings and thoughts out here for strangers to read. So if you’re really reading: Any questions you have about me? Get to know me. I’m pretty cool. I’m the coolest person I know LOL. Getting to know me, really know me, is essential…otherwise, people take things that I say the wrong way.

Now it’s over 1700 words. Goodnight!


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